What is life?

One of the songs that makes me relax. Performed by UK musician James Blunt.

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I’m sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won’t lose no sleep on that,
‘Cause I’ve got a plan.

You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful.
You’re beautiful, it’s true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don’t know what to do,
‘Cause I’ll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Flying high, [ - video/radio edited version]
Fucking high, [ - CD version]
And I don’t think that I’ll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful.
You’re beautiful, it’s true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don’t know what to do,
‘Cause I’ll never be with you.

You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful.
You’re beautiful, it’s true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it’s time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

If you think I’m a goody goody nerd, you’re SOOOO wrong. I have been visiting nightclubs in my university life… simply because (a) i’m legal to enter and (b) life here is so much stressful and i need to let it out somewhere.

The one time I would like to share my experience of clubbing is when i was in Singapore. The Club is called the Minstry of Sound (MOS for short). Once I entered the club… I was mesmorized by the setting of it, as it has fibre optics that shine neons hanging in front of the main counter. Well guess what I need to pay to enter: 28 dollars! thats 5 bucks more compared to the ladies. Some theories created after giving a thought but lets not go there….

The atmosphere of the club is amazing. the dance floor I went into palys hip hop and R&B tunes, which is cool in my opinion. There’s a huge wire fence caging the dancers in the dance floor, and the surrounding furniture is in a theme of a street or grundge like. The music is awesome with some of my favorite and familiar songs, and i danced the night away (yeap like nobody’s watching). I was very crowded there, so there are so much limitations of movement that you can be easily accuse or claim sexual harassment. Upon the entrance fee included two drinks which are heavily shot with alcohol…

According to some of my friends there, there is another two more dance floors with a different theme. The Techno rooms offer party-goers with typical shuffle hits and the usual dance music. The otheris the one I would like to visit someday is the "Retro room" where the disco is back to the basics with 70s style lighted dance floors and disco balls.

It was a blast going there, and its often coming back all tried and some of us having hangovers. Guess partying too hard has side effects — It keeps me thinking of it again and again.

Simple post this time… but says a lot about me….

WARNING: EMOTIONAL QUOTES FOLLOWING THIS MESSAGE. IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE NEGATIVELY AFFECTED EMOTIONALLY, PLEASE REFRAIN YOURSELF FROM READING.

Someone asked me before this: Where is your self-esteem?
You are actually more than you think you are.
How come you can’t be proud of yourself?

I wonder for a moment. I tried to find an answer. I finally know why…

I was a young boy back then. I was nothing unique or weird about me. But somehow i can’t fit in…. I do not understand why. They picked on me, saying words that hurt, taunting me, pull up pranks that only target on me…

After the bullying period is over, again i tried to join into the social group. It’s hard for me to fit in… as i’m in a so called elite class…. it is "every man on its own", nobody wants to help me in terms of studying, nobody is interested in the things i’m interested in, seems to me noone is interested to talk to me… i ended my high school years with only a handful of true friends with bad memories i tried to forget about it.

Uni life u ask? my friends are fine and dandy… except they seems not to listen to my problems faced…. and prefers to say happy things instead of the real problems…. other than that, academically in uni life is a bitch…

The question now is: Am I really happy before? Are the smiles and laughter of my face a mere facade of my depressed persona?

Well then…. this stuff is finally off the chest, look forward to have more optimistic posts later!