What is life?

last week was my birthday….
I turned 20
wow…
I’m no longer a teenager
that’s just great…

The thing is I never change! being 20 doesn’t make me an adult, nor cannot be regarded as a young boy anymore. I’m in a state of in betweens…. people will still treat me like a boy if i don’t "grow up", and yet people expect you to take up responsibilities as an adult.

However, things doesn’t change much once after I turned 20. Still have boring classes to attend to, assignments to do, people to meet, people doing their own work, solve their problems, problems on the earth still persist and so on. Guess the world doesn’ revolve around a person don’t cha??

All that’s said… My friendster profile has automaticly changed my age to the big 2-0 1 week ago, so I’ve just a year older already. Time to make things happen, BIG things i mean!

See you guys around!

I admit it. I’m losing my attention span gradually. I can’t seem to pay attention in class, my mind seems to wander off easily or focus on something umimportant.

Lately I realised that I fell asleep in class easily. My eyelids are darn heavy and my mind is too tired or just fed up of concertrating what’s happening in class. It is just a matter of seconds to fall asleep, sitting in class while my mind is going to a land far, far away…

Lately, my mind cannot focus on what has to be done on the spot, instead thinking of thing that can can deal with later, or things to kill the boredom. Slacking off is a new habit to me now, and this situation is getting worse and worse…

I used to be hyperactive and restless, but now my energy bar is extremely low, to the lowest point I presume. Let’s see what causes this: sleepless nights, so many things going on, not enough time (which is odd that i still find time for fun), lack of motivation and so on.

So there are two problems I need to solve: Attention span and fatigue. Sigh, guess it will be a problem to persist longer than I would have imagined.

iI just HAVE to blog this. I think it is sort of a desprete move to attract people to come to class and pay attention to it. In one of my creative studies class, they had a guest speaker and they actually show porn in class! yes it’s PORN!

I had only a few experiences watching porn (don’t ask where i got those stuff), but this is the most extreme one ever seen in my life. It is about an old artist in Japan who painted erotica during the 19th century. He asked a girl to strip down naked as his model. At first she refused, an outright one too. But after explaining to her and showed a prop used in his drawing, she abruptly said: "I’ll do it!" (I don’t know what force of nature made her to change her mind)

So I guess she had sexual fantasies about octopuses, which is wierd for one who lives in 19th century Japan (moreover fetisisms are so uncommon those days). Next is the fun part: She laid down with an octopus on her belly, as the old hag artist starts to say sexual descriptions to make her sexually high. That made her so exicited and had orgasm later on. That part is fine for me, as far as I know Most porn story lines developed that way.

What i found disturbing is the climax of the part. In that perverted artist’s mind, the octopus sat on her virgina and is so large that its tentacles are wrapping her whole body, carressing her delicate body. If that’s now enough, that girl is making out with that octopus in the end! Let’s just say beastiality is not my type of porn i enjoyed to watch.

Crazy huh? Who would have thought they have such screenings of these stuff in class? I still don’t know how does it make us to be creative even though it is mind-sitmulating.

I noticed a lot of people have their own facades, most probably to hide their bad sides of themselves, or to hide their actual motives. People camoflague themselves to be nice to someone in order to get advantage of him/her. Some pretend to be happy to hide their inner sorrows. Others have strong exteriors, but have fragile emotions. People just basically wearing their masks to go through this cold, cold world out there.

Personally I have people who has facades, who say things they don’t really mean, don’t do things they have promised act differently when they are in front of different people. However come to think of it, i felt that it is apparently normal to do such things. We wear almost hundreds of "masks" everyday. This is because everyone percieves people by impressions. First impressions make yolur whole personality being judged on. Everyone here want to make an impression. A good one of course. We want to be precieved to be the nice one, the helpful one, the leader, the optimistic….

With so much positive impressions we tried to leave behind a lot of people, How far everything is yourself? How sucessful are we in making good impressions? Are your facades working? Do you use any facades? What if we don’t use it?

Really if we try to be yourself, let loose and really don’t care. I’m pretty sure very few peoplewill really like the real you. So facades are so important, to appeal to everyone. Facades have to look perfect no matter what, so that peopole will like you. It’s like packaging of a product, so beautifully done so that people buy it no matter the contents are.

Look yourself in the mirror. Is that really you in the mirror? Do you have a "mask" so that you will be liked? How nice is your mask? Too pretty to show who you really are? Are you so dependable on the outside personality so that no one would find ou how hollow you are on the inside?

"have you seen any movies lately?"

"Have you watched this?"

These are the questions i got almost everyday in daily conversations. Honestly i am not much of a movie person, as i only watch movies every now and then. The lastest one might be "Ghost Rider", so i’m pretty updated i guess.

Oscars is just been showed on tv… but i hardly know the winners. Heck, i don’t even watch the movies nominated for the oscars, or at least heard about the movie title (i think 90% of the movies nominated have not been screened in the local cinemas). So i rather watch MTV movie awards where all the quirky blockbusters and well known movies were credited. yeah, i know oscars has more prestige, but the stuff showed on mtv is what some of us called "some good crap".

Movie watching is a lot of fun.. paying 10 bucks with my friends and munching popcorn along the way as we sit on the edge of our seats when great action is involved, add up with blasting surround sound and cool special effects. Alternatively, we enjoy the storylines written ingeniously by scriptwriters, feeling every emotion of the actors and actresses, even cry and laugh with them.

Movies makes us laugh, cry, wonder, think and so much more. Sometimes movies often recreates real life events. So is art imitating life or vice versa? A little bit of both i guess…