What is life?

last week was my birthday….
I turned 20
wow…
I’m no longer a teenager
that’s just great…

The thing is I never change! being 20 doesn’t make me an adult, nor cannot be regarded as a young boy anymore. I’m in a state of in betweens…. people will still treat me like a boy if i don’t "grow up", and yet people expect you to take up responsibilities as an adult.

However, things doesn’t change much once after I turned 20. Still have boring classes to attend to, assignments to do, people to meet, people doing their own work, solve their problems, problems on the earth still persist and so on. Guess the world doesn’ revolve around a person don’t cha??

All that’s said… My friendster profile has automaticly changed my age to the big 2-0 1 week ago, so I’ve just a year older already. Time to make things happen, BIG things i mean!

See you guys around!

I admit it. I’m losing my attention span gradually. I can’t seem to pay attention in class, my mind seems to wander off easily or focus on something umimportant.

Lately I realised that I fell asleep in class easily. My eyelids are darn heavy and my mind is too tired or just fed up of concertrating what’s happening in class. It is just a matter of seconds to fall asleep, sitting in class while my mind is going to a land far, far away…

Lately, my mind cannot focus on what has to be done on the spot, instead thinking of thing that can can deal with later, or things to kill the boredom. Slacking off is a new habit to me now, and this situation is getting worse and worse…

I used to be hyperactive and restless, but now my energy bar is extremely low, to the lowest point I presume. Let’s see what causes this: sleepless nights, so many things going on, not enough time (which is odd that i still find time for fun), lack of motivation and so on.

So there are two problems I need to solve: Attention span and fatigue. Sigh, guess it will be a problem to persist longer than I would have imagined.

iI just HAVE to blog this. I think it is sort of a desprete move to attract people to come to class and pay attention to it. In one of my creative studies class, they had a guest speaker and they actually show porn in class! yes it’s PORN!

I had only a few experiences watching porn (don’t ask where i got those stuff), but this is the most extreme one ever seen in my life. It is about an old artist in Japan who painted erotica during the 19th century. He asked a girl to strip down naked as his model. At first she refused, an outright one too. But after explaining to her and showed a prop used in his drawing, she abruptly said: "I’ll do it!" (I don’t know what force of nature made her to change her mind)

So I guess she had sexual fantasies about octopuses, which is wierd for one who lives in 19th century Japan (moreover fetisisms are so uncommon those days). Next is the fun part: She laid down with an octopus on her belly, as the old hag artist starts to say sexual descriptions to make her sexually high. That made her so exicited and had orgasm later on. That part is fine for me, as far as I know Most porn story lines developed that way.

What i found disturbing is the climax of the part. In that perverted artist’s mind, the octopus sat on her virgina and is so large that its tentacles are wrapping her whole body, carressing her delicate body. If that’s now enough, that girl is making out with that octopus in the end! Let’s just say beastiality is not my type of porn i enjoyed to watch.

Crazy huh? Who would have thought they have such screenings of these stuff in class? I still don’t know how does it make us to be creative even though it is mind-sitmulating.

I noticed a lot of people have their own facades, most probably to hide their bad sides of themselves, or to hide their actual motives. People camoflague themselves to be nice to someone in order to get advantage of him/her. Some pretend to be happy to hide their inner sorrows. Others have strong exteriors, but have fragile emotions. People just basically wearing their masks to go through this cold, cold world out there.

Personally I have people who has facades, who say things they don’t really mean, don’t do things they have promised act differently when they are in front of different people. However come to think of it, i felt that it is apparently normal to do such things. We wear almost hundreds of "masks" everyday. This is because everyone percieves people by impressions. First impressions make yolur whole personality being judged on. Everyone here want to make an impression. A good one of course. We want to be precieved to be the nice one, the helpful one, the leader, the optimistic….

With so much positive impressions we tried to leave behind a lot of people, How far everything is yourself? How sucessful are we in making good impressions? Are your facades working? Do you use any facades? What if we don’t use it?

Really if we try to be yourself, let loose and really don’t care. I’m pretty sure very few peoplewill really like the real you. So facades are so important, to appeal to everyone. Facades have to look perfect no matter what, so that peopole will like you. It’s like packaging of a product, so beautifully done so that people buy it no matter the contents are.

Look yourself in the mirror. Is that really you in the mirror? Do you have a "mask" so that you will be liked? How nice is your mask? Too pretty to show who you really are? Are you so dependable on the outside personality so that no one would find ou how hollow you are on the inside?

"have you seen any movies lately?"

"Have you watched this?"

These are the questions i got almost everyday in daily conversations. Honestly i am not much of a movie person, as i only watch movies every now and then. The lastest one might be "Ghost Rider", so i’m pretty updated i guess.

Oscars is just been showed on tv… but i hardly know the winners. Heck, i don’t even watch the movies nominated for the oscars, or at least heard about the movie title (i think 90% of the movies nominated have not been screened in the local cinemas). So i rather watch MTV movie awards where all the quirky blockbusters and well known movies were credited. yeah, i know oscars has more prestige, but the stuff showed on mtv is what some of us called "some good crap".

Movie watching is a lot of fun.. paying 10 bucks with my friends and munching popcorn along the way as we sit on the edge of our seats when great action is involved, add up with blasting surround sound and cool special effects. Alternatively, we enjoy the storylines written ingeniously by scriptwriters, feeling every emotion of the actors and actresses, even cry and laugh with them.

Movies makes us laugh, cry, wonder, think and so much more. Sometimes movies often recreates real life events. So is art imitating life or vice versa? A little bit of both i guess…

Yes it’s chinese new year and I picked up gambling during the holidays…. Usually the gambling table is ""off limits" to us underaged kids, but this year it’s different. Hehe

One of the common games people play to win bets is Black Jack, rules are simple get 21 or below you’re safe, and i won double the money i brought to the table…

Gambling is kinda addictive… but i try not to get myself invovled too much, i know the aftermath to be flooded with debts in the future, and the debt collectors (more known as loan sharks) are just ruthless in chasing debtors… >_< Let’s just say it’s still under control ya…

Anyways happy chinese new year!!!

As you may have noticed, I’ve been posted up a lot of song lyrics to this blog…. Not that I have nothing to write, just sharing the music I love to hear and it is meaningful to me (Well you can count Hips Don’t Lie out for this).

Music to me has embedded into my life, my addiction to spark something creative, motivation to work hard, passing boredom, and so much more. Playing, listening, downloading thousands from my pc, singing in the shower, humming when I feel like it…. Gosh, when is the last time I did not even do something about songs?

This time I would like to share a great song from the late Jeff Burkley (He’s dead before I even know his songs ). "Hallelujah", a song included to a lot of tv series especially during sad and tragic times.

Hallelujah
by Jeff Burkley

Well I heard there was a secret chord
that David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don’t really care for music, do ya?
Well it goes like this :
The fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah…

Well your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew ya
And she tied you to her kitchen chair
She broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah…

(Yeah but) Baby I’ve been here before
I’ve seen this room and I’ve walked this floor, (You know)
I used to live alone before I knew ya
And I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch
and love is not a victory march
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah…

Well there was a time when you let me know
What’s really going on below
But now you never show that to me do ya
But remember when I moved in you
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah

Hallelujah…

[Instrumental]

Maybe there’s a God above
But all I’ve ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya
And it’s not a cry that you hear at night
It’s not somebody who’s seen the light
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelu…
Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelu…
Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah

I swear I felt emo after listening to this wonderful song… till then see you soon.

Enjoyable song that I enjoyed all along. by Franz Ferdinand.

So if you’re lonely
You know I’m here waiting for you
I’m just a crosshair
I’m just a shot away from you
And if you leave here
You leave me broken, shattered, I lie
I’m just a crosshair
I’m just a shot, then we can die

I know I won’t be leaving here with you

I say don’t you know
You say you don’t know
I say… take me out!

I say you don’t show
Don’t move, time is slow
I say… take me out!

I say you don’t know
You say you don’t know
I say… take me out!

If I move this could die
If eyes move this could die
I want you…to take me out!

I know I won’t be leaving here (with you)
I know I won’t be leaving here
I know I won’t be leaving here (with you)
I know I won’t be leaving here with you

I say don’t you know?
You say you don’t know
I say take me out

If I wane, this can die
If I wane, this can die
I want you to take me out

If I move, this could die
If eyes move, this could die
Come on, take me out

I know I won’t be leaving here
I know I won’t be leaving here
I know I won’t be leaving here
I know I won’t be leaving here with you

A beautiful song by the Fray. Gotta love piano rock bands:

"How To Save A Life"

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it’s just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you’ve told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you’ve followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he’ll say he’s just not the same
And you’ll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Well you could have guessed, our country has flooded with foreign workers doing work that no one else would do: housekeeping, construction, waiting at tables at a local coffee shop and so on. It’s not that is a problem or something, while our country has an open door-policy to welcome foreign workforce, it inevitably has created a new community within our already diverse Malaysian community.

Well, this is what I saw opposite my house. Two of my neighbours across the street both have foreign maids to babysit their kids. While the kids are at play, the maids are chatting away as they collect their laundry outside their yards. I was there thinking: that’s the same activities housewives like my mom and her neighbours did few years ago! I wonder where are the mothers and the whole "community spirit" gone to.

When it is nice and dandy to include a new element of our community, sometimes they are the ones causing the problem in the society. A lot of cases of petty crimes are mostly invovled foreign workers, stirring up the not-so peaceful community here.

Foreign workforce: A growing community I say.